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Savannah Grace, My Daughter, My Sister

My sweet Savannah Grace,

Moments ago you, your mother and I sat on the couch in our home in Rock Hill, South Carolina and had one of the most important conversations we will ever have.

Your curiousity has frustrated you for years now as you heard stories and watched people respond to God.  My concern has continued to confuse me as a father who also serves as a pastor.  I've always been concerned that your constant exposure to Scripture and church would cause either a watering-down of the powerful truths taught week after week or an aversion to "church stuff" all together.

Tonight as you sheepishly shared your thoughts and your mother and I asked you questions, I believe God opened your heart to the truth of His love and sacrifice for you.  Your sweet words in prayer as you admitted your sin and asked forgiveness brought more joy to my heart than I knew was possible.  

While I still worry about the earnestness of this moment, I can only trust God that He is at work in you.  My prayer tonight is that many decades from now, you'll be celebrating this day, May 23, as the begining of your true life. 

I love you so very much and I could not be more proud of you than I am this night.

Your devoted earthly father and heavenly brother,

Phillip

Your Current Reality (Part 1 of 2)

You've done it.

I've done it.

We're all doing it this time of year.

Reminiscing and evaluating the past.

Anita and I are thirteen and a half years into our journey.  It hasn't been what we expected on either end of the spectrum.  There have been ups we never could have dreamed  along with downs we never saw coming.

Odds are you have a similar story. As a matter of fact, you and I probably have a lot more in common.  Expectations, disappointments, dreams and frustrations.

As I've been considering the last few years and planning for the next, I've had a moment of clarity.  You see, there's this quiet constant undercurrent of unrest in my heart and mind.  This is the source of my drive, confusion, ambition and frustration.  I've never understood or even recognized it's presence until now.

What is it?

This thing inside me, and possibly inside you, is a desire.  A desire to be inspired.  That's what it comes down to for me.

In sports, education, family, friendships, community and work, we're all hoping to be inspired.  

We want a coach, teacher, parent, mentor or boss that inspires us to work harder, dream bigger and make a difference.  When life gets boring or bland it's because we don't feel inspired.  We'll go to conferences, read books, look for new jobs all in hopes of being in a situation that pushes us to be more  or opens our eyes see more than we see today.

Think back on your life.  I'm guessing that your happiest memories have a common element...something or someone at that time was inspiring you.  

If you're frustrated or bored with your current reality, you're probably just in a season without inpiration.

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Find a mentor, read a book, start a project.  

Action leads to inspiration, and inspiration can lead to a movement.

When the Words Run Out

Tonight I went to God in prayer and found that I was unable to speak. There seemed to be a struggle occurring between what my heart longed to say and what my faith was telling my heart.

For fifteen years I've preached about prayer, faith, and standing firm in the face of fear. I've heard countless stories of people who felt useless against the circumstances they faced. Possibly for the very first time, I understood those stories.

"The one thing you can do is pray," I would tell them. "Present your requests, your hurt, your pain before God". I'd never even contemplated that my prescription could add to their confusion. I now know.

Tonight I learned that one of my closest friends in life has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon cancer. He had emergency surgery to remove a tumor but it is feared that the cancer may have already spread to his liver.

Cancer. It's a word we all think we know until it gets close enough to make us realize we never truly knew it at all.

My friend has stood by my side through some of the most difficult circumstances I've had to face. He has been an overwhelming source of encouragement and confirmation of God's call on my life. We went to school together, served together, shared the joys of the growth of our families. And now I feel completely useless.

As I spoke with his wife tonight I even said the words I had repeated so many times, "We'll be praying". Yet when I went to speak to God, I found my words were gone. What do I say? I can selfishly ask for a complete healing; I can say "Your will be done" but I only mean that if His will is healing.

As I cried, God impressed a truth on me and revealed that I have still so much to surrender.

Here I am, wide awake at 2am after the longest day of my work week. The struggle continues between my heart and my faith. I thank God for the grace and mercy He has shown in my life and battle the guilt of pathetic complaints I've made in recent days.

So I sit in silence at the feet of my God; asking Him to grant my selfish request and begging Him for the strength to want His will most.

I want many more years of phone calls and jokes; of golf trips and family stories; reminiscing on the days of our overconfident youth and the unbearable people we dealt with along the way.

I want my friend to walk his daughter down the isle, to see his son graduate college, to hold his grandchild in his arms. I want my friend to live. And I want to want Jesus more than all of this for his life or my own.

Disney, Party of Five

In thirty days I will visit Disney World for the third time in my life.  

I'll never be too old to be swept up by the magic.  

The last time we went, Anita was six months pregnant with Mac and it was July fourth weekend.

Potty trained kids in September sounds a lot better.  Stay away hurricanes.  

Here's how we told the kids...

 

I Thought About Both of You Today

I don't know why but I thought about both of you today.

School starts back up in less than a week and it marks the beginning of first and third grade.  I honestly can't believe we've already arrived at these years.  But I thought about both of you today.

I don't know exactly what the next decade or so will bring but I can bet that there will be moments of triumph and joy; moments of difficulty and pain; challenges, success', first loves and heartache.

I don't even know where you'll be ten years from now but I thought about both of you today.  

You see, I'm praying for you.  I'm begging God to draw you close.  My heart hurts for both of you. 

We're not always going to see eye to eye.  As a matter of fact, there may be seasons that we loathe the idea of being in the same place at the same time.  But please know that I love you.  Even if I don't say it enough or the way you need to hear it, I love you.

I love you not because your my children, but because God has broken my heart for you.

I'm scared to death of the future with you but I thought about both of you today.

If you ever read this please believe that it has been hard and is going to continue to be hard for me to trust you; to let go of those hands and let you walk away into the world.  

I know it's my struggle and not yours, but also know that I want so much to trust you.  I want to know that you're making wise decisions.  

I want to be your saftey net no matter what but I know that's not necessarily my place.

The real reason I thought about and prayed for both of you today is because one day they will begin to love you more than they love me.  

They are my little girls...they always will be.

Please love them well and always push them toward Christ.

I'm excited and terrified to meet both of you one day. 

But please know that at some point when you were still little boys playing in a yard somewhere...

I thought about both of you today.

It Was a Good Run

I'm not really sure what to do.  You see this summer marks my sixteenth year of ministry.  The strange thing is that for the first time ever, I'm not spending part of my summer on a student ministry trip.  

There have been many circumstances that have lead to this situation.  I believe we're making the most wise decision we can by not taking a trip this summer but I can't help feel like something major is missing.  Fifteen years in a row I was either on a camp staff or part of a church staff taking students somewhere.  It was a good run while it lasted.

1997 : Super Summer (Charleston, SC)

1998 - 2001 : SummerSalt (White Oak, SC)

2002 : Centrifuge (Jefferson City, TN)

2003 : MFuge (Mobile, AL)

2004 - 2007 : North Point Ministries (Atlanta, GA)

2008 - 2010 : Northwood Church/Velocity (Charleston, SC)

2011 : North Rock Hill Church/Collide (Rock Hill, SC)

I do believe that the most overt change in student ministry will be events.  Families simply cannot afford to drop several hundred dollars for a five day camp; especially families with multiple children.

Thankfully, this change will force us to put more emphasis on weekly disciple making and connecting students to missions.

Looks of Leadership

I've been watching A LOT of soccer lately.  As a soccer coach, I'm always left wanting more at the end of a season.  Luckily we have television and the UEFA European Championships this year.  Despite Ireland's lack of success, I still love to watch.

I had somewhat of an epiphany as I watched this week.  I love soccer but I also love football; Notre Dame football to be exact.  In order to enjoy both of these sports, I have to be in the right frame of mind given their enormous differences.  That's when it hit me.  There are two distinct leadership styles represented by these two sports.  Two styles that can actually cause quite a lot of discord to the people being led or supervising.

Football is a sport in which forward progress is the only form of function.  To move backwards is always a negative or failure to succeed.  Soccer however is a game of strategy that includes movement in all directions.  Moving backwards could in fact be the best decision a player could make.  

I'm a soccer style leader.  Not to say I don't love moving forward.  As a driven results based guy, I love when there is positive momentum.  However, I recognize the importance of taking a step back and building the best plan to accomplish goals.

I wouldn't say that one style is better than the other but, if you're a football leader then you proabably find yourself easily frustrated or undervaluing a soccer style of leadership that seems counterproductive or risky.  While a soccer leader more than likely finds a football style of leadership simplistic or stubborn.  

I could of used Checkers and Chess for this illustration but I don't know how to play Chess.  

So which one are you?

Lucky Thirteen

Thirteen years, twelve living spaces, six churches, five cars, four states, three continents/countries/children, two people, one incredible love story.

Happy Anniversary Anita Bishop McCart!

You have loved me in a way no one else has or could.

You've laughed with (and at) me, cried with me, forgiven me, believed in me, and never given up on me.

You have shown me the heart of my Savior through your sacrifice, respect, love and commitment.

I love you.  Thank you for loving me.

 

Calvinistic Mind Dump

I'm a church guy.  Well, I'm a Jesus guy who's spent A LOT of time in church circles.  

I've grown up, volunteered and worked in church organizations.  I went to a "Christian" university.  I've worked at a "Christian" bookstore.  In that time I've been a part of many theological discussions.  Most of which were about Calvinism.  

So if you would, please pardon my Calvinistic mind dump.  I had a bit of a personal epiphany on the subject and I'd like to process it with anyone who might read this blog.

Quick catch up to the discussion: 

Calvinistic Theology is most often summarized with the accrostic T.U.L.I.P. 

Total depravity - I'm born into sin and there's nothing I can do about it.

Unconditinal election - It's by God's work alone that I have been redeemed and forgiven.

Limited atonement - Jesus' substitutionary atonement is effective only for the elect.

Irresistable grace - God's grace is ultimate and overcoming in the hearts and lives of the elect.

Perseverance of the saints - Once saved, always saved.

Now for the sake of this post I'm only dealing with the point that my epiphany applies, limited atonement.

I've always struggled withthe idea that God would or had knowingly created anyone with a predetermined destiny for Hell.  This just never made sense to me.  Why would God create someone to poplulate Hell?  How is John 3:16 true if this idea is also true?

Finally it hit me.  I'm thinking linearly.  I can't help it.  Everything is a timeline for me.  One thing happens, then another and then another.  I was wrestling with God creating inside a timeline.  People are made, they sin and then Jesus comes.   The problem with that is God isn't in a timeline.  Time is inside God.  

He's bigger than time...He created it.

God is transcendent of time.  Creation and redemption of that creation aren't in a sequence for Him.  He doesn't create to populate Hell or Heaven.  

He created.  He redeemed.  It's all done but we can't see it.  We're not big enough.

When I stopped putting God's actions inside my understanding and timelines, I no longer struggled with the notion that some are born and God already knows if they are or are not elect.  The issue for my life is not to correctly undstand God but to correctly carry out His will.  

I hope this helps someone.  Our desire to understand God is evidence that we are His children.  We just want to know and be like our dad.  There are times however that we simply must stop trying to understand and trust.

Filling The Hours

My wife took my kids and left.

That sounds a bit more dramatic than the situation actually is.  You see our daughters have Spring Break this week.  So Anita decided to hop over to Atlanta with the kids and spend some time with her family for the week. The girls will be in our neice's wedding in a couple of months so the final fittings and all needed to be done as well.

Unfortunately I was unable to accompany them on this trip.  So what does a fella do with an empty house for a week?  There has been plenty of television watching and Oreo eating, but I actually accomplished a good bit too.

Over the last six days I've done the following:

1. Work (led worship, had a fun night with North Rock Students, writing, office time, a boat load of meetings)

2.  Coached soccer (1 game, several practices)

3. Fixed a shelf in the girl's closet.

4. Fixed the ottoman in my son's room.

5. Fixed the dining room table.

6. Steam cleaned the living room carpet.

7. Decorated for Easter.

8. Went to see Hunger Games.

9. Built a shelf in the garage.

10. Yard work. (thanks to Tutkus' for the help)

11. Watched a soccer tournement.

12. Cleaned the bathroom.

13. Dishes.

14. Rearrange the garage.

Now, if you actually read the list I'm sure that was more info than you cared to know.  But I just wanted to celebrate some accomplishments.  It's a good feeling to look back and see you were filling the hours with more than just internet and television.  

So what's on your "Honey Do List?"